As I write this, it’s Easter Sunday morning and instead of sitting in church with my family, I’m sitting in the cafeteria at the University of Virginia Health System/Center listening to light jazz and drinking a caramel latte. I just finished eating a grilled cheese sandwich.
Currently, my dad is having a tube put down his nose and throat and this morning he’s supposed to have a CAT scan to see why his stomach is so bloated and tight. We’re hoping it’s just gas, but he’s miserable and Myra and I are slightly miserable as well I think.
This past week has been a whirlwind. Last night I stayed in the fourth hotel room in the past 7 days. I slept with my aunt last night and she snored. I couldn’t get comfortable because of the bed, the temperature and laid there listening to my aunts and uncles heavy breathing all night. I finally got my iPod out around 1 a.m. and listened to Tom Petty and Cold play before finally drifting off. Aside from all the hotel rooms and such, my diet has been somewhat scattered. Either the food is really good and rich (thanks to the two dinners that were bought for me in San Francisco) or weird and uneasy on my stomach. I can’t wait to get back to my routine and get some real food in me.
The one night I was in my own bed, in my own place, I woke up and made an spinach and romano cheese omelet and had a glass of milk, which really hit the spot. Every day this past week I’ve been up by or before 9 a.m.; most mornings I’ve been up by 7 a.m., which is early for me and I’ve been running non-stop till midnight or later. Needless to say, I’m tired.
Yesterday, I headed for Charlottesville by myself to see my dad and the family that has been here since last Monday. The trip was supposed to take me 3 hours but I did it in about 2.5 hours … I was driving heavy most of the way because I was so anxious to see him. When I finally got to the hospital and up to his room though, what I saw surprised me. He didn’t have his glasses on and was laying awkwardly in his bed and looked awful. When we went out to the waiting room a few minutes later, I called my mom and afterwards started to cry. I knew he’d have tubes and such, but seeing him like that was a shock. Thursday he was in such good spirits but after the second surgery, he was in a lot of pain again. I was relieved when my step-mom came over and said “come on … let’s go get a cup of coffee.” Just the two of us. It was overwhelming to see my aunts and uncle, who mean well but sometimes aren’t what I need at the moment.
I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about my trip or share my some 400 photos with my family … we have other things to take care of now. I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to them about my desire to move … to possibly go west depending on dad’s health after he starts to recover.
I’m feeling conflicted again about the future. I don’t want to move somewhere just for the sake of moving, and I’m trying to make sense of things.
Hopefully the day will get better and this week will be what I need – some consistency.
