Complacent

I’ve been taking it easy today; sleeping in, getting my hair cut, checking email and spending time with my family. I started reading Punching In last night and I’ve been reading that in between conversations, my late shower and just relaxing.

I talked to my mom this afternoon about taking it easy and not over doing it this year. About how I promised not to take on too much and now I’m afraid I could easily spread myself too thin.

As I was driving back from my mom’s, where I had been talking to her about plans after graduation, about how I’d like to road trip through New England this summer and relocate somewhere. As I was nearing home, Holiday by Weezer started playing.

Holiday
Far away
To stay
On a holiday
Far away
Let’s go today
In a heartbeat!

Heartbeat
Heartbeat

Don’t bother to pack your bags
Or your map
We won’t need them where we’re going
We’re going where the wind is blowing
Not knowing where we’re gonna stay

That’s sums up my current feeling on where I want to be. I’m really wanting to hit the road this summer for about a week and go to Maine and back, stopping at some key places along the way, maybe detouring to New Hampshire or something.

Currently, I’m somewhat restless. My car needs about $600 worth of work done, graduation stuff needs to be ordered, I’m working on my day off of school and tomorrow, I have to go in for production on the paper and I have no idea what to expect.

I’m trying to make time for a self-discovery; reading, thinking, praying … it’s been interesting. I’m not experimenting with my faith at all, because I very much know that what I have been taught is true, but I’m  also trying to ensure I keep up with the world around me – reading up on the emergent church (which is what?) and deciding who I’m supporting for the presidential election (!!).

I was sitting in the parking lot at Food Lion today trying to pull out of my parking spot when two vehicles drove by with older people driving with their dog or dogs in the back seat. It made me want a dog even more. I wonder how easy it would be to take a dog through New England?

Making a list.

I’ve been making lots of lists lately – things to do, things to buy, things to check on for The Picket.  My most recent one is a list of things to do this year. In the past week, I’ve seen first hand that you have to take advantage of everyday and enjoy it to the fullest.

So far my list includes:

• Learn to drive a stick shift.
• Work on my posture.
• Get a chocolate lab.
• Build a great music and book library (heck, movies too!).
• Take a road trip through New England.
• Go hiking.
• Relocate.
• Buy a bike.
• Make Interestingness on Flickr.
• Rock out on the drums.

Between the funeral service, memorial service and watching “The Bucket List” recently, my mind has been trying to wrap itself around somethings. I plan on writing a column/editorial about it for The Picket.

It’s my second day at my new internship. I was dreading my 6:30 wake up this morning, but there is something about being up early and driving through this beautiful area and seeing the sunrise that makes it worth it. It’s only one day a week, right?

So far, I love, love my new internship. It’s slightly daunting going into a new place and knowing what to expect, but it’s exciting.

Today

Today is my last day at The Journal. Tomorrow is my first day of class of my last semester at Shepherd and I’m stoked. I’m so excited to see where this semester takes me.

I still don’t believe that Shepherd is letting me out in 4 years. In fact, I’m emailing my advisor pronto to talk to him again to make sure it’s really true.

I have phone calls to make, Picket duties to attend to and refund checks to pick up. I’ve lived in Shepherdstown the majority of break but most of my time has been spent in Martinsburg, leaving no time for attending to my to-do list.

It seems so hard to believe that classes start tomorrow starting with Motion Graphics … we’ll see what that’s like. I have no idea where the time went, but I’m ok with going back. I bought new notebooks last night and a new planner and pens last week. New school supplies always make me excited for learning new things.

Ciao!

Life and death

The past few weeks have been an amazing realization for me. I’ve grown a lot … in terms of noticing different things about myself.

Despite working away from home for the holidays for the sheer need of the extra cash, it’s been good to have some time to myself. My evenings are filled with killing time in Martinsburg or cooking and watching TV at home. It’s been a bittersweet experience

Yesterday morning when my dad called to say good morning, he informed me my step-uncle, who is the backbone of my step-mom’s family, had passed away. He had been battling cancer and took a turn for the worse last weekend. Later, sitting at work, I noticed something online implying that a student at school had passed away. She was 22, a painting major and one of the quirkiest, most adorable people I knew. The rest of the day my mind wasn’t focused on the story I was writing. I later found out she was ill, but still so, so young.

Death has a way of making you re-evaluate things. Coming into a new year with two deaths when you’re already re-evaluating things makes you really think. I don’t want to let life pass me by.

Speaking of making changes and re-evaluating, I came across this email on PostSecret today. I feel like I could easily write something similar.

—-Email Message—–
Sent: Thursday, January 03, 2008 7:31 AM

Frank,

I walked into my house this morning at 4 am. On my counter was a package. I ordered the books “My Secret” and “The Secret Lives of Men and Women” a week ago, and they’d just arrived last night. I immediately ripped open the package and read the books.

I decided that I was going to change my life.

I’m not going into work today. I hate my job.

I also called the man I spent last night with. I told him that I’m going to start living my life and not just “existing” anymore. I’ve felt for too long that my life has no purpose. I’ve felt like I’m just here…and that anyone could replace me at any given moment.

I don’t know what’s going to happen next but I just made myself the biggest breakfast that I’ve ever eaten.

I’m thinking about taking a road trip.

I bought my first Post Secret book on Tuesday with a gift card I got from a friend. I like finding things I can relate to. I love the raw honesty of it all.

I have three days of work left and honestly, I can’t wait for classes to start.

Moods, pictures and writing

I’m noticing lots of things about myself lately. Today I realized I’m no longer on edge. For the first time in months I didn’t want to bite the person’s head off that was dawdling in the aisle at Wal-Mart when I went in to pick up a few things after work. Hopefully this continues … I hate feeling like I’m out of control and ready to go off at any moment. It’s amazing how stress and pressure can influence your mood.

I started taking pictures again. They aren’t great, and the flash is crappy so I’m trying to take stable shots without the flash (bad idea). I started doing project 365 again, this time from Jan. 1 instead of mid-year.

A week from today is my last day at The Journal. I had two stories in yesterday’s paper and I wrote two today. I’m not proud of my most recent work. Dad says it may have to do with the subjects and less to do with me and my ability. I hope so because this isn’t a good sign for someone about to embark on the journalism field.

Happy new year!

“We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives … not looking for flaws, but for potential.” – Ellen Goodman

I spent new year’s eve working at the Journal. I was the only reporter in the office all day and got to cover a service at St. Paul Baptist Church, whose congregation is primarily black. When I walked in I was introduced to the pastor’s wife and as I made my way across the church, I heard one older lady say “Praise the Lord, another visitor!”

I finished at 8 p.m. with my story, which is today’s centerpiece, and zipped up I-81 to go home. I rang the new year in with my dad and a couple who are old family friends of ours. This morning I had breakfast with my dad and got ready to hit the road again.

This afternoon I met two guys I went to high school with for lunch. We met at a local place for French Onion Soup. Unfortunately, it didn’t go anything like I expected. They were both sneaky, skinny boys that despite our numerous conversations online, seemingly have no idea who I am. Our conversation was dry as much as I tried. We finally said our good byes and after they thought I was gone, they went back into the restaurant.

I’m finally realizing that it’s not worth trying to impress certain people if they aren’t interested in knowing who you really are and respecting who you are and not trying to make you someone you aren’t.

Happy New Year all! May it be bright and full of possibilities.