“Me” time

I left early this morning to move into school. The driving time was much needed and very relaxing.This afternoon I had “Jillian time” as mom called it. I ate solo at the bakery and people watched from my prime seat at the window. I unloaded all of my things from the car – I’m convinced I always bring back more than I take home. After I moved my car and unpacked I walked around town taking photos and even stopped for ice cream.

I ended up sitting on the steps of one of the academic buildings on campus finishing my ice cream and enjoying the beautiful spring weather that Shepherdstown got today. It was perfect.

I’m hoping for a nice, easy week.

Mind on overtime

I was adopted and as part of the process, my parents couldn’t see me for the first 10 days after I was born in case my birth mother changed her mind. My parents chose a family that they were close friends with who also happened to be expecting a baby girl.

While I didn’t know them well growing up, I knew the value of their relationship to my family and had a lot of respect for these people.

Several years ago, the wife, who is significantly younger than her husband, suddenly decided she no longer wanted to be married and moved to Las Vegas where she went on a downhill slide fast.

The family took it hard and soon after she graduated high school, their daughter, who was six months younger than I am, moved out to Las Vegas to have a relationship with her mother.

Sheraya got into drugs and the wrong crowd when her mother chose her new husband over her. She called her dad for money and Tom was afraid she was using again and told her he couldn’t help her.

A week later, her brother found her dead from an overdose.

My dad found out six weeks later when he called Tom to check in on how he was doing. When dad called me during a campus ministry service, I stepped out to take the call and broke down in the parking lot when he told me about what had happened.

I kept encouraging dad to go see Tom and when we were in Ohio this week he was able to spend a morning with him and see first hand the toll that everything has taken on him.

Dad told me all this at lunch yesterday while my mind was already filled with a million thoughts about the internship. The past few days and weeks, my mind has been working overtime.

I don’t think it ever really stops thinking about all that’s going on and even today, driving on the noisy, bumpy Pennsylvania Turnpike with heavy rain, I couldn’t stop thinking about not only my own stresses but those of others around me that I can’t change or control.

Sitting in the car listening to dad tell me about Tom’s heartache and loss, I was broken all over again for him. I thought about how close Sheraya and I were in age and how we were raised with similar backgrounds but our lives have taken us in completely different directions.

This week consisted of long days and lots of thinking about the summer but it was so good to have the time with dad to talk, laugh and discuss options, since our schedules rarely allow for any one on one time like we had when I was growing up.

Day 2

I wasn’t nearly as nervous today I was I yesterday when heading in. Yesterday I was apprehensive of the unknown but today, I at least knew what to expect and how things would work.

After two days at the paper, I’m relieved that I had the opportunity to try this out and come back to the area and look at it not as going back home to visit but as “could I really come back up here and live?” And work. And reside with other people for 12 weeks.

The area is much rougher than I recall. A lot of businesses and people have moved out of Youngstown and into the suburbs. The crime is hard for me to comprehend and the neighborhoods are rough.

Each time I left the building today, I had a headache. I’m not sure if it was the combination of the depressing grey color on the walls and the florescent lighting or my mind just working overtime.

Our evenings have been occupied with visiting old friends and eating at the diner where we would go every Sunday night after church. After dinner we went to Handel’s the local ice cream place for cherry vanilla ice cream.

Last night I went to bed at 11 p.m., which is so early for me. I needed it though because this morning was another early wake up and another long day.

I was able to leave the office early and walked up to Federal Plaza and talked to mom while waiting for dad to pick me up. We headed down to the mall for dinner and to let me browse. Dad and I met up with an old friend of the family, a lonely 86 year-old woman who has four cats and a dog in her duplex and has 11,000 volunteer hours at an area nursing home.

We start out early again tomorrow to head back home so dad can get some work done before the week is over. It will be good to go home.

Day 1

Last night I tried to go to bed at a decent hour. I ended up turning the light off before 12 a.m. which is a miracle considering my normal sleep schedule. We had a wake up call for 6:30 a.m. so we’d be ready and prepared for traffic.

I ended up not sleeping the best – I kept waking up, tossing and turning, despite the bed being amazing. So comfortable.

I woke up around 5:30 a.m. and kept trying to fall asleep. I went to the bathroom and finally at 6 a.m. I gave into my body and got up, took two Tylenol, started the coffee and started up my laptop (our hotel is amazing – we have wireless Internet!).

Getting ready took no time since everything was laid out and I knew exactly what I was wearing for day one of the internship tryout. I was nervous this morning. Dad says I was also frazzled. It’s true. I kept looking in the mirror, checking my bag and looked over my notes from the emails between me and the coordinator.

I led the way into Youngstown this morning and found the office without any problems. I went into the main office and was told that I had to go to the other building, across the street. It took a little bit, but I found the entrance to the building, which looked like a warehouse from the outside, checked in with the security guard and finally called the contact person.

It was interesting being in the newsroom of a daily, seeing how things were done and meeting a new staff. I found out that the circulation is 60,000 daily; 80,000 on Sunday. (WHOA!)  Everyone I met was super nice and I felt comfortable being in the office.

This evening I drove back without dad’s guidance, got changed and we headed into Columbiana to meet some friends for dinner and then went to Handel’s, an amazing ice cream place in town. We drove through town and talked about my internship options; the pros and cons and what seems comfortable about each position.

Tonight I’m exhausted. I’ve been building this whole thing in my head for weeks and now it’s here. I’ve worn myself out and I think tonight I’ll sleep nice and sound.

Driving home.

Yesterday morning I headed into town with a list of places to stop in preparation for my trip today – dry cleaners, DMV, bank, etc. As I got to the center of town I saw lots of construction – everywhere.

The street’s of my town are all being affected by construction and water pipes being replaced. Navigating the streets is like trying to find your way through a maze with random blocks closed, streets being only one lane or only open one lane at a time.

I instinctively found alternative routes around town to get everything done but it’s a challenge when you never know which street is going to be closed.

When dad and I left this afternoon around 3 p.m., I thought the open road would be a little better. It was, until we reached the Pennsylvania Turnpike and I remembered all the potholes, construction, road noise and the medians that make you feel trapped between concrete and semi-trucks.

We arrived this evening. I did most of the driving which was good for me so I can get acclimated. Navigating Youngstown was a challenge because we weren’t sure where exactly we were headed. This area is not something I’m familiar with and will take adjusting but I’m still open to whatever God has in store. I’ve had some awesome support the past few days and I’m excited just to be here and doing this.

Dad and I didn’t eat until almost 9 p.m. tonight and were both feeling the affects. He was shaking and I was light headed. We met up with some old friends and were greeted with warm hugs and both dad and I left the restaurant full and satisfied.

Tomorrow is the big day!

Hello spring break – I’ve needed you so.

Friday was the last day of classes before spring break and the day happened to start with snow. Lots of slushy, wet snow.

Shepherd’s campus closed at 1 p.m. but before that happened we were already making arrangements for me and a friend to get a hotel room for the night since the residence halls closed at 6 p.m.

In between going to my first class to discuss a group project and finding out my other classes were cancelled, I was making phone calls to the local Days Inn to make reservations. I was turned down when the lady on the phone found out I wasn’t yet 21. A phone call back home for assistance turned into some angry phone calls to the Days Inn from several parents.

In the end, my friend and I ended up being allowed to stay in our dorm for an extra night and we enjoyed the time to take naps, watch Oprah and go get Chinese food and a movie.

My friend Casey said that this break should be called “wing break” instead of Spring since we’re still getting winter weather.

My plans to go to Leesburg on Saturday were shot by the change in the schedule but Saturday was filled with running errands – picking up items for my upcoming trip to Ohio.

St. Patty’s day was celebrated with corned beef and cooked cabbage and a family Mexican Train Dominoes tournament which has become a monthly activity that turns into a three hour event.

I’ve finally started to unwind a little – catching up on sleep, running lots of errands and cleaning and re-organizing my room that always gets dishevled when I’m not home daily.

Yesterday my mom and I went to lunch and then went browsing at the mall and had some amazing conversations about life, our family and the church. I bought my first “real” watch yesterday in preparation for my job interview on Wednesday – the watch I have is way to casual (and the battery is dead) and I doubt it would look very good to keep flipping my cell phone out to check the time.

Tomorrow dad and I are heading to Youngstown. I’ve still got plenty to do to prepare but I’m ready. Nervous but ready.

Apprehensions

This week has been one of the slowest, longest weeks I’ve had in a while. Spring break is now just over 24 hours away and I completed my last class assignment of the week this morning with a quiz in sound design.

Every night this week has been a late one for me – generally 1 a.m. or 2 a.m. before I finally crawl into bed. This is totally unlike me but between finishing a mammoth research paper and the late night social gatherings, I’ve enjoyed it and gotten up early the next morning every day this week.

I’m still constantly running and doing and rarely having any down time unless it’s with friends or out running around. The TV is never turned on unless it’s for the morning news or during my two hour break between class and prayer meeting.

Yesterday I turned in my housing contract along with three friends – we’ve never all roomed together before and next year we will be residing in a two bedroom, one bath apartment on campus. This thought concerns me ever so slightly just because we are all at different levels in our growing up process. Some of us still depend very heavily on our families, others are more independent.

Tomorrow I will leave Shepherdstown for just over a week for break and this somehow scares me. It means not being on my schedule, feeling like I should be doing this or that and not being in the comfort zone of independence from my family where our lives are still close but changing with my growth.

Over break I will travel to my original hometown of Youngstown to try out for an internship. I’m slightly nervous, ok, maybe really nervous about the unknown to an extent. In a month for now I will have hopefully been offered one of two positions. God only knows what I’ll do if both papers offer me positions.

Hopefully this break will be a time of rest – much needed rest so I can recharge and come back restored and ready to take on the rest of the semester.