A REAL post

This week has been another busy week. Lots to catch up on since Thanksgiving break is just a week away.

I had a cold or sinus infection and I’m finally coming out of the woods with that. Still taking the medication but the nasty cough is gone…as is the sore throat and most of the nasal congestion. I’m finally finding some time to write.

Next week I will register for classes to start my sixth semester in college. I think that both of my parents secretly thought I’d never make it this far – but I set out to keep a promise to myself to finish what I started. And now, I can just start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Thinking back to high school, I remember all the in securities and uncertainties about my future. I had no idea where I would be, mainly because of the family issues I had at that time. I had no idea the direction my life would go, and I still don’t.

Since I started school, I’ve learned so much about myself. I’ve realized how selfish I am from the stand point that I often, without realizing it, don’t think about other people. I do it without thinking because of my upbringing as an only child. I was the only one my parents had to worry about and I didn’t know better – my needs and my little complaints were catered to because neither of them knew any better and as an only child, I didn’t think have to think about anyone’s wishes or needs but my own.

Now that I’m in college, I’ve had time to adjust to myself and while I’m walking with my head in the clouds, thinking about my own problems or thinking to myself about this or that, I don’t realize how I’m treating those around me.

I’ve realized lately just how many insecurities I need to work through. I wrote recently about interacting with my peers and being approachable but up until a conversation with my friends a couple weeks ago, I didn’t realize just how much of an issue it was.

College truly is a time to find out who you really are. I’ve grown even more independent over the past three years, and grown so much from when I first started. I now have a clearer vision of what I want in life and who I want to be.

In the past 13 weeks or so, I’ve had a coming back so to speak to the church. I’ve never gotten away from it, but I drifted slightly off path, with little discipline or deeper praise and worship like I need. Being on campus with a schedule of sorts and regular bible studies and weekly services has helped me rekindle that passion that has been buried for a while. I just needed to dust it off.

It had been several weeks since I sat in on one of my father’s sermons and this past week, as I listened to him, I realized I listened differently than I had and I think that has a lot to do with my recent submersion in the bible and through different bible studies.

While this semester has been one of the most challenging, it’s been challenging in a good way. It has been the best in preparing me for what’s to come and most of my classes are enjoyable for me and pertain to my major. Math is getting better – I am finally understanding it. The Picket has been great in grounding me and good for me from the standpoint that being on the editorial staff is one of my favorite things about the news industry and I hope to be in that position where I can make decisions.

This semester I have various networks of friends – Communications majors that I talk to on a regular basis about classes and projects; and Picket staff that I see all over campus and stop to talk to – usually about a story or layout or just small talk. Having these various groups has been great – it’s good to see more familiar faces, but it can’t compare to the core group of friends that I eat with each night. The friends that I can go to when I need to discuss a decision or difficult circumstance.

Each week I notice changes in myself – things that irritate me or things I enjoy; things I need to change to be more tolerate to those around me – to give them their space and the attention they need. I also recognize that while it may be great to have so many people around, it’s also very hard to find the quiet time I need. Sitting out in the hall at midnight when the boys downstairs are running and carrying on doesn’t make for good prayer time.

There are also voids missing – things to look forward to, whether it be relationships, goals met or those little aspirations that we all have for ourselves.

I have a lot to learn, a lot to be thankful for and so much ahead of me.